As I wind down for my first marathon post-kiddo, it turns out convincing myself to go to that start was the hardest part.
Just about 7 weeks ago, I was convinced I would not -- could not -- do it this time.
I even had my email written, to see if a later deferrment was possible. It was THAT bad: you see, even though I had managed to run 12 miles as two sides of the Pittsburgh marathon relay in May, and then followed that up with a full half marathon for the Virginia Wine country half marathon a few weeks later, I was stalling out every time I hit the 10 mile mark on training runs. Not just "uncomfortable," not just "need a longer walk break," but I would become so tired so hot so sweaty feeling like I couldn’t quite go on. I would end up in a slow, almost crawling walk, and end up cutting the run short.
It was early September when my planned 16-miler went SO awry (me clinging to the side of the Key Bridge after nearly losing my breakfast after I passed mile 10), and I started writing that email to the MCM. Yes, I was older, and yes, I knew I to go slower, but I felt I could not go at. ALL.
Add on the fact that life has gotten so busy as I’ve taken on multiple side jobs given the continual cruel to get the Trump administration is inflicting on federal employees like my husband (and yes, sorry -- that's not "bias" -- Russell Vought made it quite clear that he wants public servants "traumatically affected" in spite of those same public servants at the NIH literally saving his own daughter's life through research on a new drug. Nice people right?).
Spotted in Denmark -- spot on, I'd say.
It’s just too much to be a working mom already these days. Then, add on being a working mom who’s training for a marathon -- and oh by the way, took on not one... not two, but now three side hustles ... and you can understand why I might’ve been ready to give up when I came home though after that sweaty 16-miler failr and told my husband I was going to quit.
I could see a surprise in his face. He knows that I have somebody that can be well ... how shall we put this ... ok, no other way: stubborn And so the idea that I was going to give up on a race that I had paid for and plan for didn't track to him, of course. He didn’t push. He just said "you should do whatever you think you need to do."
Later that day, though I went to go pick up my daughter from the bus stop; my sweet little five-year-old now is a "big big girl." And she absolutely loves kindergarten, so one of the biggest joys of my day is picking her up on the bus stop seeing her cheerful face.
We’ve been working with her though remembering that it’s OK to make mistakes and not do things perfectly; sadly, having inherited the double type-A personality from can both her father and me, she does have a tendency to get a little frustrated if something is difficult the first time but with some coaching and reminders that if she just tries again, she’ll get everything right. There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing her face crack into a big smile as she finally sounds out the letters or finds the missing number in her matching game. Giving up just because this race wasn’t gonna be the perfect one I wanted because ,it was going to possibly have me hitting finish times beyond five hours, maybe even going above that 12 minute per mile pace that I’d always seen as my personal "cut off" did not seem right.
Would I want her to do that?
I had trained for this race. I love this race race. And, full honesty that the cruelity of this current government combined with our family's values and needs means right now, I am in a very difficult position: I'm realizing that I may soon need to leave the country ,the job community that I love so much because of what’s happening based on the whims of people are far more powerful, far more rich, than I am.
This isn’t a place for me, though to delve into all the sadness of what’s happening in our current democracy (there’s enough wallowing in that already). I say that because that sadness also helped me recognize that one big reason that I wanted to make sure I did the MCM this year is not just because it’s the 50th anniversary, but also because it very well could be my last full fall here in the beautiful, greater DC region. (and if you've never been here in fall, you're missing out. Cherry blossom spring gets all the love, but a DC fall is so special.)
Determined to keep going, I knew I needed to pick another plan. This training was not working. I’ve always done races longer than half marathon with a run-walk-run combination, and I had been experimenting with doing longer walking breaks between my running breaks, but clearly from my burnout training rung, that was not helping. So I went to the king of all things run-walk-run Jeff Galloway‘s website. While I was very familiar with his technique in general, I’d honestly never calculated out by pace before using his suggestions.
I decided to try. I figured that in my earlier, pre-kid days I used to do short runs at a 9 to 10 minute mile pace ,and long runs at a 10 to 11 minute one. Factor in a kid (and oh yeah all that stress I just talked about!), and I figured adding a minute to each pace made sense,guessing I'd be a 11 to 12 minute goal. I then also followed Galloway‘s idea of doing the "magic mile", and it again confirmed that somewhere between 11 and 12 minutes would be about where I should be trying to aim for. Looking at Galloways suggestion, website, I realize that that I’ve been pacing the run and walk in a very different way. I'd been trying to go like 6 or 7 minutes runing, then 1 to 2 walking. His calculator suggested for my goal paced, I could to 60 run, 30 walk, or maybe if I aimed for the high end, running only 90 seconds followed by 30 second run. I did some more reading and digging and discovered that, yes, the 30-second walk break is apparently the ideal one: just enough time to slow down and change muscles, but not so much time to get cold.
Still, it seems like it would be a little bit crazy: 90 seconds and 30? Wouldn’t that be annoying and constant switching? Given that I was doing so poorly my old way, I knew I needed to try something though, so when my next long run called for a 15 mile or I decided to put it to the test. I took out my interval timer pushed in one minute, 30 seconds for one interval and 30 seconds for the other and started.
And here’s the thing: it worked!
At first, yes, it did feel a little bit awkward stopping so soon after running. Of course, I always had that idea that everybody is watching me and wondering "what the hell is that lady doing?" because I run on busy trails (again nobody is looking at you, dear runners. They’re always looking at something else Wrapped in their own heads as we people are always!)
I felt so good, that I realized that I could go all the way past 7, 8 even 9 miles before I really thought about feeling tired. Indeed by the time I was in my last mile, I could actually speed up and have a little bit of that elusive negative split.
I hit 15 miles of the pace of 11 minutes and six seconds ... and I felt good.
Yes I was tired. I was a sweaty mess. I couldn’t wait to get home and get a shower -- but I felt OK and so that’s what I kept doing it, through a 14 mile run, an 18-mile one, and my long 20 mile run for the last big one three weeks ago.
Me feeling A-OK post my longest run since 2018! 15 Miles!
Certainly, my 20-mile run (longest in my training block) required some grit and went a bit slower, given that the day hit 80+ degrees and was sweat-sock humid even though it was the start of OCTOBER (thanks climate change!) but I did make it through -- and without killing myself so much that I was unable to teach and side-hustle that same evening.
Sweaty, and hard, but I got it DONE.
This was NOT a pretty run. But, it was a DONE run!
So I am going to that start line. My silly Wonder Woman gear and all.
Is this going to look like the maratho I ran eight years ago, before I had kids, before I had this kind of crazy stress? (before Congress rolled over and let a would-be King destroy democracy too? At least back in 2018 there were SOME grownups in the room). Of course not.
Is it gonna look like the goal that I had once: finally beating Oprah and being able to rung a marathon in shorter than 4 1/2 hours? Absolutely not.
I am not even really going with a time goal. Sure, there’s a vague idea in my head that I would like to finish around the same time that we did the marathon relay as a team in Pittsburgh, but I’ve also got the idea that as long as I finish, feeling like I haven’t completely wrecked myself (and of course beating the bridge so I don't get picked up by the sweeper bus), then I’m gonna feel proud of myself and proud that I have made it through.
Just like I tell my daughter that we all make mistakes, it is OK for things to be imperfect, I want to be that example in my own goals. So, tomorrow, I’m going to be getting up before the crack of dawn, lacing up my shoes, and sandwiching myself on the metro with about 40,000 of my fellow running friends.
Gearing up at the Expo yesterday!
I’m going to play the happiest, most upbeat music I can through all 26 miles.
I’m going to enjoy looping through the beautiful rock Creek Parkway, crossing through Georgetown, running along the Potomac and Haines Point.
I am going to worry less about the pace and more about savoring the fact that I am here in the city that has been my home for so long ,in my favorite season.
I don’t have much hope that things are going to get better for this city or country soon, or at least better fast enough for my family and I continue on here. But for Sunday, I’m going to be out on that course in a place I love ,doing a thing I love .
And for now, getting to that start line will be enough, at whatever pace I am doing it.
